As 2014 winds down I have to say I am thankful that this year is done. It has been one of change, frustration and growth. I watched my filly grow from a foal into a yearling. I had the opportunity to develop new friendships with other horse people. I moved back home and reestablished stagnant relationships.
I’ve also lost things. I’ve lost pride and the sense that my worth is defined by being famous or recognized or important. I’ve grown more humble and more aware of the struggles of others. I’ve lost the feeling that I have to be perfect. In 2014, I lost a lot but I gain a whole lot more.
In 2014, I learned to reach out. To make crazy leaps and to be who I want to be. I learned that I can’t wait for someone to say “yup, now you are ready to be x,y or z.” I graduated college two years ago and I finally realized that being educated is great but being certain of who you are and of what you want to be is infinitely more important. This year, I ranted, raved and had several emotional break downs. This year I was stretched and pretty certain I was going insane. Growth often hurts (I remember growing pains and how much they hurt) but after that pain is the realization that you’ve changed and become something different and new.
The feeling of New is something we all strive to feel. We want to create new products, new ideas and new innovations. We believe that New will solve all of our problems. That isn’t always the case because New becomes old if we forget what we learned while we were growing. I vow to remember what I learned while growing. I vow to be fiscally responsible, to stay stubborn and to hold onto my dreams even when I’d rather let them go. I also vow to accept that I’m not perfect and that sometimes dreams need to shift in order for you to be the best possible version of yourself.
When I was younger I wanted to be the best; I wanted to compete in the Olympics and I convinced myself if I didn’t make it there then I was worthless. For me, competing in the Olympics isn’t likely; I have Narcolepsy which means that I am unable to compete at international levels. Why? because I don’t have the drive nor the dedication to devote my life to being the best rider. I used to chide myself on that but now, I realize that there are other ways I can contribute to the horse world.
I bred for my first foal in 2012. She was born in 2013 and I have to say she is amazing. She has surpassed all of my expectations and she is beautiful. I didn’t expect her to be what she is but I am so happy that I have to opportunity to own her. Raising her and teaching her to be a good baby has given me so much joy. I know now that I want to be a Trakehner breeder. I want to help the breed grow and I want to promote high quality, sane and good moving horses. I want to help others learn to be responsible horse owners and I want to teach others how important it is to keep the welfare of the horse first when caring for them. Sure, I could be a famous rider but that wouldn’t be as rewarding as seeing the next generation of competitors be horse savvy and focused on the betterment of the horse world.
In 2015 I will be rolling out interviews with horse breeders, competitors and the greats. I already have a couple of interviews set up. My focus isn’t on what I think but on what will be the most beneficial for all to learn. As I work on creating a place where thoughtful, intelligent and innovative horse people can collaborate I hope you join me in building an environment of positive growth.
Stay tuned and see what the new year will bring.